Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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