If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
