And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
