If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
