Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
