pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize