Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
