I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
