Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone came in the potted fern
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
