smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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