I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
it's like iHOP with fire
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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