mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
