I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Randomize
