yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
