i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
