Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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