dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
this beer tastes like vomit already
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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