I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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