So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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