worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize