Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
When are your genitals available?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
