A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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