I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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