Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
