mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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