i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
