So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
