I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
