so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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