Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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