that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
