I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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