just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
