He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Of course I have a pirate flag
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
