She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
