When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Randomize
