Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize