I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I love you. Go after that dick
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
