Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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