So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
