She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
