Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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