you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
