My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
