I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The power of my boobs compel you
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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