You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
