we should wear snuggies to the strip club
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
