I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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