i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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