Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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