and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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