just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
