I think I am morally bankrupt
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize