My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
