I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
