Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Randomize
