i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
