I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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