16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
