All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
