Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
