life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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