I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
BRING THE BAGELS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
