You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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